BrokenFingernail.com

What is more difficult for you: Looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
Looking at them. I have a hard time talking about things like my feelings a lot of times, especially if it’s complicated, like love. I just can’t seem to look people in the eyes because I’m trying too hard to find the words to say to explain how I feel, so I look off into space.

Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry?
It was a few weeks ago. It had just been eating away at me and I blew up. Sure, I shouldn’t have and it’s a dumb thing that still bothers me, but there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it because it’s all in the past.

You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago, non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call?
Okay, number one, if I ever did bother getting on a plane, I would have a damn parachute for this situation. Fuck calling someone, I’ll call on my cell phone on the way to the ground as I leave the rest of the people on the burning plane. (This would be a good time for anyone reading this that thinks they might be on the plane with me to get a parachute, because I’m not sharing with everyone!)

You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
I’ll tell everyone. Have a living funeral. It’ll be nice. I’d spend my remaining days just doing whatever comes to mind, no matter how dangerous for the first time in my life. I mean, why bother being safe at all when there’s no way I can stop death from coming? Hell yes it’d scare me, that’s a good reason why I hate going to doctor’s offices and I’m shaky half the time–I’m terrified of death.

You can have one of the following two things: Love or trust. Which do you choose and why?
I don’t really know. I’d hope that either would bring forth the other, but I’m being hopeful.

You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
I’d save the dog, if I could. Then, I’d come to work, late, soaking wet, with a shaking dog in my arms. What is my boss really going to say? “Fuck you you’re fired you animal lover.” I don’t think so.

You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?
Okay, why would I? I love Joey and he’s all I’ve really ever looked for in a guy. Even if I did have a fling with someone for some ungodly reason, I’d rather kill myself than hurt him and myself that way. That’s just wrong.

Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you say?
Eh, I’d hope that they’d keep it to themselves since they know how happy I am right now. But, if not, I’d probably just sit down and explain that, though I’m flattered, nothing can happen between us because I value our friendship more than that. Unless I didn’t really like them, then I’d tell them to fuck off, but they wouldn’t really be my best friend then now would they?

Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them one hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or why not?
My aunt Jane was in a lot of pain, especially the last few months she was alive, so I wouldn’t want to put her through that pain again.

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
I can hardly stand myself as it is; why would I want to be my own friend?

Does sex equal love?
Hell no. And I know this for a fact.

Are you old fashioned?
On some things.

When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say?
I just end up mumbling half the time. Joey does that to me.

What would be, or what was, harder: For you to tell a friend you love them or that you do not love them back?
Tell them that I love them when I know they don’t love me back.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Thing? Computers, period. I wouldn’t be able to go on without them, and those few special people to me.

Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I told my grandma a few months ago. We stopped doing that when I was a kid, but since my grandpa died, we’ve all gotten closer.. More out of fear than anything.

An old woman is being mugged by a big looking guy, and there is pretty much no one else around. What do you do?
Make a lot of noise and shout, to get the guy away from her if I could. If not that, beat the hell out of him with a large, blunt object.

Imagine: It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, and you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
Joey.

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
I guess this is the reason why they told us to keep those damn mouth guards in in health.

What is it you hate the most about your life and they way things are going, if anything?
I have a lot of things that are still messed up and I can’t get a good job that I’d like. I’d like to change all that, and be living with Joey someplace nice right now.

You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision?
Why would I be in this situation? Okay, I wouldn’t let go of either. I couldn’t deal with it. Even a baby that I don’t know, even if it was an adult I didn’t know, I wouldn’t be able to just let go. And I know I wouldn’t let go of my grandmother’s hand. So, we’re all screwed and probably going over said cliff together.

Which would you choose: True love with a guarantee of a broken heart or never loved at all? Why?
True love. As much as it hurts, it’s worth it while it lasts.

When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
I’d like things in return every time I do something nice.. I always expect a “thank you,” at the least. So, I guess I never do.

If you could invision your perfect life, what would it be like?
I’d have a nice house, cats, computers that run all the video games I want to play, money to support myself without working or having a job that I love, being with Joey (of course), and having a few kids. I’d love that. Oh yeah, and a big outside dog. Can’t forget that.

If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
Right now? To be completely healthy and for the man that I love to be too. It’d be nice to be living with him and everything, but I’m sure if we keep working towards that goal it’ll happen eventually anyway.

This post was originally from my MySpace blog and the entry can be found here.