BrokenFingernail.com

I just don’t understand how the world works, I guess. You see, I know that the last relationship that I was in wasn’t a good one, but it was a long one. We had our ups and downs, as all relationships, but the thing was if I didn’t want to do something, I was the bad guy. This was the reason why our relationship ended on a sour note, but I was okay with that because I could admit to what the main problem was and I told anyone that asked the truth of the matter.

Here’s my problem: To this day, I still have former “friends” that have nothing to do with me because of this. Sure, I thought that they were at least semi-decent people, until it came to the choosing of whom to stay friends with.. They just had to pick one or the other. Unfortunately for me, I was the one that lost out because I told the truth.!

I’m not saying that speaking out was the most tactful thing to do, but at least I was able to get over it because I let myself go and let all those feelings out. Apparently, that’s a bad thing. I mean, if you honestly come up to your friend and ask, “So, why did you guys really break up?” don’t you want the real answer?

But, of course, the whole damn thing was my fault. I got dumped, but I was the one at fault. Sure, that makes a whole lot of sense. I was the one that stayed there after he broke up with me and comforted him while he cried after he told me it was over. I made sure to try and give “us” another chance or two.. But when he called me on the phone that night, he had enough guts to pull a huge guilt trip on me and make me cry the rest of the night, then he wondered why I didn’t want to speak with him the next day!

Hey, I’ll admit that I wasn’t the best girlfriend in the world, but that’s not saying he was a perfect angel either. Sure, I went out and started dating after our breakup–what else was I supposed to do? My friends, that I still had, cared enough to try and get my mind off of him so I wouldn’t be so depressed and lonely. Was that really so fucking wrong? I mean, I spent over three years trying to be someone I wasn’t to make someone else happy, so why didn’t I deserve a chance at making myself happy?

Well, now I’m just a tad bit upset. This “wonderful” guy that I dated, that dumped me, had apparently helped break a former friend of mine’s heart.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I felt like I should maybe just try and get back in contact with some of the friends that chose him over me. In the process of doing so, I ran into an old friends’ blog and read about how he and his longtime girlfriend had split. That alone made me feel horrible, because I was the one that introduced them and tried to get them together in the first place. So, in some way, I felt that it was my fault that this even happened to him, because if I hadn’t meddled.. Ah, but there’s nothing I can do about it but feel bad now, of course.

In any case, I got to reading and finally came across what happened, and, lo and behold, it had to do with my ex. He had apparently decided, with the girl, that they were better off together.. So, it made me mad of course. To think that either of them, whom I had been friends with for years, would ever do that seemed unbelievable, horrible, cruel.

The main thing was, after all that, my former friend still thinks of my ex in a good way, though he essentially ran off with his girlfriend. Why in the world would you still believe in your so-called best friend if they did something like that to you? Why in the world can this guy, my ex, get away with anything and come out without anyone standing against him?

Why is a sinner coming out of every situation as a saint?